Early week 13 weigh-in

We will be leaving early tomorrow, so thought I'd better check in today with weight loss for the week. Still good with food, but this week I hurt my hip flexor during a Jillian workout on Tuesday, and so I decided to stop working out the rest of the week since I will need to be in good condition for the backpacking trip.

Anywho, despite that setback I still lost 1.4 lbs this week!! Only three pounds to go for my goal (and one week left)! The question is can I lose that much while backpacking and eating high calorie food (in order to get all the calories I need while burning so many...)? We shall see!! See you next week! That is if the snakes don't get me. We're going to be sleeping under the stars -- tentless. My first time, and I'm a little bit nervous!!

Disappearing

As I've been losing weight this go-around, Andrew has had different ways of telling me that I look thinner. His preferred method has been to exclaim, "You're disappearing!!" 

It always makes me laugh when he says it, just because it always strikes me as an unusual way of phrasing it. Why not just say, "Hey taai, I can really tell you've lost a lot of weight" or "Dang, girl! You so skinny!" But I realized that his phraseology was actually right on. I am disappearing!! The person I was, in far more ways than just weight, as I've mentioned in previous posts, is fading away. 

Exhibit A:

I went back and dug out my "fat pics" from 2008. I took them because they were required for the Biggest Loser competition I was participating in at the time. I didn't have any special workout clothing to take the pics in -- I didn't even have a swimsuit that fit. So there I am in a swimsuit top that I hadn't worn in quite some time and some Umbro shorts from the 90s against a dark background (everything's black!). The thought of anyone ever seeing the pictures mortified me! I had already lost 8 lbs at this point, and I was honestly already feeling better about myself (until I saw the pictures -- it's true what they say, pictures really don't lie). 

So in May 2008 I was roughly the same size I was in March 2012 when I began exercising again. I didn't take "before" pics in March because, well, it's a horrible experience. But since I have this one from 2008, it works just as well. 

I thought it was important for me to post these -- not because I think I look so great in a swimsuit now (I still have 20+ pounds to go...), but because when I look at these two pictures, I see two different people. On the left is someone miserable, ashamed, and very uncomfortable with who she has become. On the right is someone who is at least starting to get it.

I honestly never thought I'd let the picture on the left see the light of day, but here I am posting it for all to see. It's easier than I thought it'd be because, really, that doesn't feel like me anymore.

Exhibit B:

Last fall I really wanted to take a family picture. We have never been very good at doing that, and I wanted to start doing it annually at least. So we went up in the mountains and took a picture. And I liked it. But now I feel uncomfortable looking at it because I know how uncomfortable I was. I was trying to place Christian in front of me so as to cover as much of me as humanly possible. In the 2012 picture below, Christian is still covering most of me, but it had less to do with strategy and more to do with getting a good picture.

Being in St. George over the weekend was fun, albeit exhausting. But seeing the solar eclipse and the "Ring of Fire" was awesome, and I'm glad we did it. Sometimes "disappearing" is really something to see and remember.

Taken in Japan (AFP, Kazuhiro Nogi)

Week 12 weigh-in

Today's report will be quick -- our family is headed out of town for the weekend, to St. George, to see a solar eclipse! I'm excited. We just got a cheap motel for a couple nights and hopefully will have some fun.

So this week I only lost 1.6 pounds. It's actually more than I thought I would lose this week because every time I weighed myself nothing had changed from the last weigh-in. ARGH. So to see the number go down today was a relief, just not as good as I had hoped for.

I wonder if part of the reason is the Ripped in 30 DVD I've been doing. I'm on the second week workout, and it is HARD. I can barely do a lot of the exercises. So maybe I'm not burning as much doing a workout I can actually complete?

I'm going to have my final weigh-in for this 3 month goal be on June 1st (a Friday). Then, based on how much I've lost, I'll set a new goal. I'm so close to my 3 month goal -- will have to push myself these next 2 weeks to get it!!

Week 11 weigh-in -- a milestone!

Christian LOVES my smoothies -- this one he snatched and wouldn't let go. He drank quite a bit before I was able to get it back from him. :) Can't blame him -- it's delicious! I usually give him a little in his own cup. He's going to be my little Popeye!

A sampling from this week's dinners...Tasty barbecue pizza...nom nom...whole wheat pizza dough with barbecue sauce, corn, black beans, and tomatoes, topped with mozzarella cheese. GOOD.


Well, this week got a little bit crazy. Both kids had some funky illness -- high fever and vomiting. Oh the vomiting. They're both better now, thank goodness. Kate was really dehydrated, though, and just looked awful. I took her to the doctor because it was so scary. They ended up giving her a suppository to stop her from vomiting any more. They ran a bunch of tests but couldn't figure out what was making her sick. Anyway, it did the trick -- and she is feeling and looking much better.

I spent all day yesterday sanitizing -- EVERYTHING.

So I didn't work out 2 days this week because of the poor kids. But I still ate all the good, healthy stuff. And I lost 2.6 lbs!! Woohoo!! I am very happy with that.

This week's weight loss is kind of a milestone because I am officially in the "normal weight" BMI category. Yes!! I remember last time when I was losing weight and I got to this point. I stopped losing weight shortly after that. And ... now that I know our scale was off by 7 pounds, I realize I never actually got to this point. So I'm in uncharted territory here! Love it! I feel like I'm just getting going!

By the way, I just wanted to say thanks for all the comments and encouragement. I really appreciate it! I don't always comment back because I'm not sure if you ever get the follow up comments. But thank you!

Won't be back that way again

Over the past week or so, I have noticed something in myself that I feel the need to document. And since I haven't written in my journal for quite some time...I thought I'd share it here because I know you are all sooo fascinated by the entrails of my life. ;)

It sort of amazes me how we experience life. The moments we feel most alive don't often occur when we expect them to (at least for me).

The other day as I was driving around with the kids running errands, which is generally a frazzled time for me, I had a distinct, quiet, prolonged moment of absolute tranquility; I might even call it euphoria. I felt at total peace with myself and with everything around me. I felt elated, patient, loved and full of love, and grateful (as I was driving!). It overwhelmed me, almost to the point of tears. Since that moment, which really lasted most of that day, I realized that I feel that a lot now. I can't remember the last time I felt like that before for any length of time.

I'm used to feeling tired, stressed, frustrated, depressed, worried, scared, overwhelmed, and irritated. Of course, I didn't feel that way ALL the time -- yikes!, but most of the time despite what I'd be saying or doing, that is how I felt on the inside. Sort of a constant state of franticness.

I attribute my happy feelings now in large part to the healthy foods (and lots of water) I've been putting in my body and the exercise I get nearly every day. (Though driving with the windows down on a beautiful day with the sun shining on you and Explosions in the Sky playing doesn't hurt either -- not to mention the sweet, beautiful children in the backseat.) I've always heard people talk about health and "well-being." But I don't think I ever knew what "well-being" really felt like until now. I have energy, I have happy feelings bursting inside me, and I have peace. Just saying the word "peace" to myself gets me teary-eyed.

That vision that I had of myself years ago...I have it again. It's clear in my mind, and I think about it often. Not there yet, of course, but I'm on my way. I'm not going to let it go this time. I'm not going back to who/what I was. The path I'm on now is taking me to where I want to be. And I'm going to get there.

As I was discussing this with Andrew -- my new happy feelings and my desire to live an engaged life -- he quoted Henry David Thoreau to me (from his favorite book, Walden). Is it any wonder I married him?

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

It reminded me of what I expressed in my Transforming post, "I want to get excited about life and live it up!" I want to taste the sublime, to know it. I want to say at the end of my life, whenever that may be, that I lived.

Saturday I began a new workout video. I started doing Jillian Michaels' "Ripped in 30" DVD. Holy cow -- I have a feeling I'm going to be "Sore for 30." It's a short workout -- but it really gets ya. Anyway, at the end of the video while she's leading the stretch, she morphs into philosophical Jillian. I tend to like that Jillian better than the "I'm going to make you CRY!" Jillian. Anyway, what she said hit me, and maybe it's simply because she used the word "transformation" that it triggered an emotional response, but I liked it and thought I'd share.

She said,

"Most people don't show up in their own lives.
They go through life every single day without being focused on bringing their 'A' game.
Transformation is not a future event.
It is a present activity.
That is why you must bring everything you have to give in every moment.
And it doesn't have to be perfect.
It's not about perfect.
It's about effort.

Bring that effort every. single. day.
That's where transformation happens.
That's how change occurs."

Week 10 weigh-in

another random exercising person...

Well, this week was a bit of a disappointment. I worked out 6 days, ate great, healthy, low calorie foods and smoothies, and I only lost 1.6 lbs! I think that's the lowest amount of weight lost since I started. On Wednesday when I weighed myself I had lost almost 4 pounds, so I thought I was on my way to an amazing week. Not sure what happened. I feel great, though. I have a ton of energy and generally feel very healthy. That's the most important thing, but I do want to hit my goal this month! 

Andrew and I have some fun trips planned at the end of the month, so we'll see how that impacts my weight loss. One of our trips is an extended backpacking trip in Southern Utah (my parents are watching the kids -- woohoo!), so I am hoping I'll burn lots of calories doing that. 

Looking forward to an exciting month ahead!